Write It Like You Say It
by Imneverwritingfanfictionagain
Summary: This isn't even going to be a proper story. This is me coming up with multiple stories and connecting them together like a story and writing it like how I would orally say it to my friends. ...Which is why it's purposely written badly. It's a lot of weird stories with aph Asians. Canon divergence. Lots of swearing from the narrator. Lots of (my) ships.
1. Hong Kong Is Weird

**Hello. It's me. I was wondering if all these years you'd like to meet.**

* * *

Leon fidgeted with his fingers as he stared at the beautiful person standing right across from him, his cheeks growing pink.

Yao stood at the kitchen, cleaning the counters just because any speck of uncleaned food on the counter just bothers him.

Accidentally brushing the food pieces off the counter with a towel, he bent over and picked up the pieces of food, one by one, and threw them in the garbage. Leon, who got a pretty nice view averted his eyes.

Leon sighed. He should _not_ be thinking of this person in such a inappropriate way. He didn't want to be a fuckboy like Kiku. Kiku was the ultimate fuckboy. Little did Leon know that he was a fuckboy as well. Just 10% less of a fuckboy than Kiku.

Yao finished cleaning up the counters and washed his hands. He took a deep breath of relief as he was done cleaning the kitchen for the moment.

The man plopped on a chair, massaging his shoulders. Because he was old. Really, really old. Probably even older than he claims to be. But that's okay because he still has a pretty young appearance.

A pretty young, _attractive,_ appearance.

Leon looked at his mentor's face. He was so fucking pretty. Like, holy shit. What the fuck. The man had a better complexion than Leon. That's not even fair. But oh my fucking god those eyes. Those eyes are out to seduce like what the hell. And his cheeks, god they look so squishy-okay enough about Yao's face. You get the point, Yao is really hot.

The Hong Konger felt the temperature of his cheeks rise. This is not okay. He is not supposed to find his mentor this hot. This is definitely not okay. And was it mentioned that it was not okay? Yeah, because it was not okay.

"Ah, Leon?"

Leon snapped out of his "holy shit I really want to fuck Yao and kiss him lots" mode and whipped his attention towards the older one.

"Uh, yeah?"

Oh so smooth, Leon. Yeah right, you a fuckboy.

Leon mentally slapped himself in the face. He was such a fuckboy. Maybe even 10% more of a fuckboy than Kiku. Because being at Kiku's level of fuckboy is the worst thing that could happen to you. Imagine being even over Kiku's level. That's death.

"Are you okay?" Yao inquired.

The probably-extremely-sexually-frustrated man looked at Yao. "Yes. Why?" He replied.

Yao pointed at Leon's face. "Your face is really red," Yao stated. "Are you sick?"

Leon once again mentally slapped himself. He probably looked like some red-faced idiot, Leon thought to himself.

He wasn't completely wrong.

But hey, at least he's a _hot_ red-faced idiot.

"...N-No." Leon said.

...See, this fuckboy just stuttered. Leon could mentally feel a mental Rosario* looking at him like, _man, what a fuckboy._

Yao's face grew slightly concerned. "Are you sure?" He asked, the slightest bit of suspicion tainting his words.

Leon turned to Yao.

"I'm fine-" He stopped himself. "You know what, _actually_ …" Leon continued, advancing towards Yao until he was literally right in front of him.

Leon lifted Yao's hella awesome warrior thighs and put his face in between them; both of Yao's thighs squishing Leon's cheeks.

"I would feel a lot better if your thighs smushed me."

Yao's face went from concern to "holy fuck what the fuck is wrong with this fuckboy."

* * *

 **Mmmm quality writing.**

 ***Rosario refers to Macau.**


	2. Japan Is Two Faced

**Childhood memories come back.**

* * *

It was a normal morning and Yao had left the house to vaguely "go do something important."

See, this was hell. This meant that _Kiku_ was in charge. Why?

Because he was the oldest.

Yes, the salty motherfucker fuckboy was in charge and it **sucked.**

See, Kiku was extremely two-faced. If you ever met him, he would seem like the most humble, polite, overall really nice person you'll ever meet. That's how he acted towards people he just met, or someone like Alfred.

No.

 _Nooooooo._

THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS PROBABLY THE MOST RUDEST AND SALTIEST PERSON EVER WHEN HE IS WITH THE FAMILY. LIKE OH MY FUCKING GOD.

Kiku was an utter devil with his family _especially_ with Yong Soo and Leon. Maybe because they're just easier to pick on or some shit like that, I mean Leon _is_ a fuckboy. And Yong Soo is….well, he's the youngest, so that automatically means he gets to be picked on.

So after Yao had left, with Kiku closing the door behind him; he turned to his fellow "brothers" and cracked the slightest bit of a smile. The void that was his eyes was really starting to be the scariest shit ever, like holy shit.

Yong Soo was pretty sure that he could see his plausible death in Kiku's eyes. He shuddered.

Man, Kiku was such a fuckwad.

Leon put his hands together like a fuckboy and prayed that he would survive until Yao came back.

"Hey you two, let's do something nice for Yao when he comes back." Kiku said, with a kind smile that's hella fake. So fake like a terrible green screen.

Yong Soo flinched. "W-What did you have in mind Kiku?" He immediately regretted opening his fuckboy mouth. Why? Because he could mentally feel Leon mentally punching him in the dick for being a idiot fuckboy.

"Well…" Kiku started, making both Leon and Yong Soo feel a bit paranoid.

Evening fell, and Yao had returned. As he opened the door, right when he was about to notify the three of his return; he suddenly froze.

Yao came home to see Leon and Yong Soo collapsed on the couch and the ground, looking hella exhausted. Kiku was sitting in a chair, reading some old ass samurai book.

Surprisingly, the room looked hella clean.

Spotless, even.

"What did you three do when I was g-" Yao was suddenly cut off by a loud plea from Leon.

"YAO PLEASE SAVE US." Leon begged. "SAVE US FROM THIS DEMON."

"Huh? What are you talking about-" Yao inquired before being cut off by Kiku. "Oh, don't mind him, Yao."

Kiku continued. " _I_ suggested we help clean up the place," he looked at both Leon and Yong Soo, sneering. With his eyes that are probably voids to the underworld and back. " _Right,_ you two?"

Both Leon and Yong Soo flinched at the word "right."

"Y-Yeah...right..." Yong Soo murmured.

"Ah, is that so?" Yao said. "Heh, Kiku, maybe you should be in charge here more often."

Kiku's eyes glinted. "Maybe, Yao...maybe."

Yong Soo and Leon's eyes widened with horror. _OH, FUCK ME SILLY IN THE ASS,_ both of them thought. Probably in unison. Cause they both fuckboys. Fuckboys think alike.

Well, at least they were safe from Kiku at the moment.

Probably.

* * *

 **More fuckboyness brought to you from Leon, Kiku, and Yong Soo.**


	3. South Korea Is Tall

**IT G MA! WOAH! UNDERWATER SQUAT! - Best song ever**

* * *

Lien attempted to reach a book from a high shelf.

She couldn't do it.

Not even if she was on her tip-toes.

"Yo, Lien!"

Lien turned around. Yong Soo waved at her. "Too short, huh?"

The Vietnamese woman made an unamused face. Yong Soo chuckled like the cocky ass fuckboy that he is.

"Ah, don't worry Lien! It is I," The Korean made a proud fuckboy face. "The tall Yong Soo!"

Lien rolled her eyes. _What a goof._ She silently mused to herself.

The woman then stepped aside to let Yong Soo take her place. He grabbed the book that she was attempting to reach for and gave it to her.

"Thank you." Lien politely said.

"Eh, it wasn't that hard!"

Yong Soo smiled at her, snickering a little over how short she was.

Lien looked at him, a little annoyed of his teasing snickers.

She realized something different about him.

WHY WAS HE SO FUCKING TALL?

Lien gaped. She always knew he was taller than her but not _this_ tall.

Like, this was ridiculous. This was ridiculous over how tall he was. He fucking towers over her. This was not okay.

He was probably like what, six feet? Fuck that. That's taller than Alfred. There's no fucking way Yong Soo is taller than Alfred….is he?

Fuck it. He is.

This was horrible.

 _Why is this manchild so much taller than me?!_ Lien mentally screamed. _What is this._ _ **I'm**_ _the older one!_

"Uh, Lien? What are you doing?"

Lien snapped out of her mental screaming at Yong Soo.

"...Why have you become so tall?"

"Huh?" Yong Soo thought about it for a second. Why _was_ he so tall anyway?

Moments have passed and Yong Soo finally got an idea.

"I know why I'm so tall!"

"What is it then?"

"Capitalism!"

* * *

 **This doesn't even work Russia was hella communist how is he so tall**


	4. Thailand Is Tan

**Rosario - Macau**

 **Kasem - Thailand**

* * *

Kasem waltzed around the hallway of the conference room like the majestic fuck he is. The boring ass meeting was over, and he could finally live up to his name, the Land Of The Free™. As he was grabbing a drink of water; a certain blond nation advanced towards him.

It was Alfred, the whiter version of the Land Of The Free™. Kasem knew he had to turn on fuckboy mode™ when around foreign nations. Fortunately for him, he practiced it so much that he acted like a natural.

"Yo, Kas!" Said the American gleefully.

"Oh, hi Alfred!" Kasem replied in a really fake yet natural voice.

"I know we don't talk much, but…" Alfred treaded off.

"What is it?"

"Well…" Alfred was afraid to be a racist fuck, but he had to know.

He continued. "Well you know how most of your "siblings" have golden skin?" Kasem's happiness deteriorated internally. He immediately wanted to die.

 _Don't fucking say it!_ Kasem shrieked mentally.

"...Uh, why are you so…"

 _HOE DON'T DO IT!_

"...Brown compared to your siblings?" America ignorantly, and innocently asked.

 _Oh my god._

Kasem was resisting to slam his glasses out of his face and give Alfred a piece of that Muy Thai. But he didn't. Because he was a civilized being. And not a fuckboy. He would not be like his fuckboy neighbor Kiku, who would pull out a katana on anyone who disturbed him.

"I mean, you're not Indian…"

The Thai man resisted the urge to scrunch up his face due to all the cringey shit spilling out of Alfred's mouth. He wondered how Neeraja would react to hearing Alfred say that. Kasem fantasized about the Indian man punching Alfred. But Kasem knew he wouldn't, because Neeraja was not a fuckboy as well.

Kasem finally replied. "Well, I'm much more south of the globe in comparison to the other Asians; therefore, I would have much more sunlight and humid temperatures compared to them."

Alfred cocked his head sideways slightly. "Huh. I guess that makes sense. After all you _are_ right next to India, I guess you're more South Asian than East Asian?"

Kasem wanted to kill himself. Why this. Why him. He was so fucking appalled. The fucking audacity. The spikes in his hair started to droop due to his internal bitter mood. It biologically didn't make sense, but Kasem was just so majestic that he defied the laws of science.

The American took note of this. "Hey, you kind of look like Rosario when your hair is down! A brown version of Rosario!"

The Thai man wanted to cry. He could feel a tear almost reach his eye because this blond fuck was so _fucking_ stupid.

Suddenly on the other side of the hallway, there was Neeraja. With his super ancient nation hearing™, he heard the words "brown Rosario."

Boy was Neeraja pissed. With the fakest smile he creeped up behind Alfred; ready to fucking beat Alfred's ass in. Kasem looked at Neeraja as Alfred was talking and by using the mutual dude-bro mind reader™, he pleaded Neeraja to save his ass from this ignorant white guy.

The Indian man nodded and poked Alfred's shoulder. Alfred had rarely seen Neeraja angry, and now he was fucking terrified. He didn't know what he did wrong. Because he was an ignorant ass fuckboy.

"Did someone just say 'brown Rosario?'" Neeraja smiled in the most plastic way ever. "Because I think I just heard someone say 'brown Rosario.'"

"Oh shit dude, I didn't mean it like that!" Kasem cracked a miniscule glare at the American. He almost felt sorry for him. But he didn't. Because Kasem had no more patience.

Alfred backed the fuck up like a garbage truck. "You know- I'm just gonna go now."

With that, the American scurried off.

Kasem sighed. He was free once more. Free from his fuckboy facade which he learned how to do so well after observing Kiku, Yong Soo, and Leon. The fuckboy trio of Asia.

"Thanks." Kasem said.

"It's nothing." Neeraja replied.

And with that, Rosario had watched the whole goddamn scene, and thought about how gay it looked. He too, had heard "brown Rosario" but planned on beating Alfred's ass later.

For now, he was just thinking about how that event looked a shit ton like those Korean dramas that Yong Soo would sometimes force him to watch.

* * *

sorry yall ive been having writers block and ive been busy with school lol thx


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